Pre Barack Obama: Great Pumpkins Health Scare Plan- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters
Chief Crazy Captain Christo has received a message from The Great Pumpkin. It reads like this:
What’s shaken rattlin and rollin? I have a final task to ask of you. You must ask The Commander in Chief of America ( a.k.a. B.H.O.- Big Halloween Orator) to sing a rare and different tune. One that requires him to speak while playing the drums Hawaiian style, not Big Willie style, but Hawaiian style. If he can sing, Mela Ka Leak E Mocca without missing a beat like Bing Crosby, then we can all rest assured he was born in Hawaii and is an American. His reward will be a new set of Air Moccasins, that must be worn at a basketball game to end his lung cancer. You are to ask Number 43 to throw up the first jump ball and ask Rob Zombie to be the official of the GAME HEARD ROUND THE WORLD. Unless of course, Mr. Zombie would like to play ball! Filming optional Rob!
Ask the President of the United States to put a little ka-ching on the line. Put it this way, with all the Government giveaways, this one will be one that must be earned. Do you know what I mean Chief Crazy Captain Christo? Or do I have to give you a left hook for a convincer? Oh that reminds me, don’t forget to invite Vince Gill and Vince Vaughn and Vince Neil from Motley. We need some interesting commentary!
The ka-ching that you must ask the President of the United States of Americans ( Yes, Wiccan!) to put on the line is of the following staggering amounts. 12,000 tickets must be sold at a whopping rate of $40,000. That is the Democratic Portion of the GAME. On the other end of the Spectrum, if you want to vote for The Team of Zombies ( Independents and Radical Republicans), you must fork out $30,000 per ticket for a total of 12,000 tickets. You must hire an accountant, preferrably one who knows Warren Buffett or Bill Gates, for the money will be stored for safekeeping. Organize a summit under the title ” Racism and Teamwork: Digs Four Bucks” or RAT Digs Four Bucks meaning the Bucks start here and we will build a talented and remarkable Tree House for an American Girl. Any questions Chief Crazy Captain Christo? If you do have questions and you probably do, you can take it one flight up to my office here in Pumpkinville. Please land on the specified runway and my assistants will guide you to my new digs. Take care and may the fours be with you.
Respectfully and O’loveyah,
P.S.( that’s Pumpkin Script) Don’t forget, a little girl is counting on you to come through for her. She needs this worse than anyone alive and only you Chief Crazy Captain Christo know how to pull this off. Remember to write to Congress about your A.I.G. Plan and don’t mince any words . They need a Taylor Swift kick in the kiester and you know it!
After reading the letter from The Great One , C.C.C.Christo looked around and for the first time in a life filled with doubters and haters, decided that the time was as ripe as a tomato. The Pumpkin would be Squash no more. He organized an amazing group of Fruits and Vegetables. Leading the charge into the White House Lawn would be none other than the leader of the Fruits and Vegetables, ‘Ol number Four himself BRE. F.A.V. , the Big Cheese from MN. Go Vikings, see you in Miami Big Willie Style!
This has been another installment of The Great Pumpkin Letters. What are you doing still reading this. Get the game organized or die trying!